As part of The Inspired Word's common sense policy, September 30, 2008 will bring a close to Extended Support for most uses of the King James Translation of Holy Scripture (KJV-1611). The Word will retire public usage and corporate prayer support, including miraculous updates, by this date.
KJV language versions of the following Divine Messages will no longer be available: Words of Knowledge, Words of Prophecy, Words of Edification, as well as English interpretations of Heavenly Prayer Language. Users are cautioned that public verbal pronouncements of KJV scripture are now also unsupported, including: Blessings, Cursings, Casting Out of Demons, Words of Love, Seed Faith Declarations, and all answers to media inquiries. Note this change will not affect those using unauthorized "KJV-ish" language for their own personal advantage as this was already unsupported.
The Word recognizes the operational and personal challenges that many believers will face in this transition, and although direct attempts to bridge translations such as the New King James Version (NKJV-1979) have been available for nearly 30 years, limited personal use will continue to be supported.
All personal and public prayers - except those in which 4 or more are gathered in agreement will continued to be answered. Internal memory verse recall - when applicable comprehension have also been installed, as well as non-judgemental quoting will be supported when used with other licensed believers. The evangelistic use, however, of KJV scripture in tracts and sporting event placards is an expressed violation of the end user license agreement.
Existing support documentation and content, however, will continue to be available through previously published copies of KJV. Ancillary materials such as book marks, birthday / graduation / wedding / graduation gift inscriptions, and Thomas Kinkade paintings printed before the Rosh Hashana 2008 end of service date will continue to inspire and bring comfort.
The Word is retiring support for this translation because it is outdated and can expose customers to risks. We recommend that customers who are still using the King James Version, upgrade to newer, more comprehensible translations of The Word, such as the The New American Standard (NASB-1971), New International Version (NIV-1984), or the New Living Translation (NLT-1996) as soon as possible.
Customers who upgrade to the NLT, or similar translation report improved understanding, richer devotions, and increased evangelistic productivity.
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Monday, August 04, 2008
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Signs - Signs ... Everywhere a Sign!
As I promised in a comment to T's blog, here is a picture of our new Indiana plate. I have to admit that I was surprised that the state is able to do the "In God We Trust" design as the standard plate option. I was offered one of the ugly old neon green plates as well though(apparently they still have some available).
Getting my new plates has inspired me to look around a bit when I'm driving through the countryside. There seem to be a lot of signs .... not billboards .. but signs everywhere. So here they are (with a bit of commentary).
"Johnny Shawnessy probably had a better guess about the river's name than anyone else as he was the only person in the County for years who made any research into the Indian culture. He finally decided that the river's name was related to the Indian word "Shakamak," meaning long fish or eel. There was a Shakamak River in southern Indiana; and in the northern part of the state, an Eel River, which in the Miami tongue had been called the Kenapocomoko, or River of Snake Fish.
The only drawback to Johnny's theory was the fact that he never found an eel in the river. "
In spite of the questionable eel history (or maybe because of it) the signs that visitors pass on the way in and out of town leave the mascot in the river and proclaim Clay City as the "Mayberry of the Midwest". One of the local merchants (the owner of the local A&W / Gas Station / Laundromat) got the slogan pushed through the city council but has been unable to get the other business to sign off on a plan to retrofit main street to look like Mayberry or get the Andy Griffith museum/jail/visitor center built.
One interesting fact about the plan is that his business is on the outskirts of the city and wouldn't be part of the compulsory remodel. He does have a vintage replica of Barney's squad car though. Also, I think it's cool that Clay City celebrated it's centennial the year T and I were born.
FYI - this field isn't even close to the river. If water manages to get over this road, see if the guy driving a 300 cubit gopher-wood cruiser will give you a lift. Also it is not necessary for any sign on Indiana roads to be perpendicular to the ground.
No witty commentary here. I just thought a sign about signs would be appropriate for the blog.
Sadly the picture of the "Road Oil In Use" sign that we tried to get as we drove away didn't come out. If you've never experienced Road Oil .... it's the black oil that they dump on the gravel roads to keep the dust down and (hopefully) build up over time into a cheap alternative to actually paving the road. If you can see the oil sitting on the road - and you like your current paint job - go around and let the good ol' boys in their pickup trucks get the splatterin' out of the way.
This is the first of 3 pics from our trip to Turkey Run State park. 'Turkey' is by far the best state park that I've ever been too (except Edisto Beach in NC). The other park that we visit most frequently is McCormick's Creek. We've noticed a whole section of the hiking trails there is closed for construction. Once we saw the updates to Turkey since our last visit, we are expecting to see a lot more signs like this one at McCormick's.
BTW: 70 steps down .... no problem .... but after a hike through the canyons, climbing up and down past other "140" step signs, and scaling a cliff face on ladders bolted into the rock, these 70 steps were a pain.
On the back of this sign it says, " If the river doesn't get ya - we will" .... well - not really, but it's kinda implied. Makes you wonder why all of the Turkey Run Canoe rental expeditions go right through this part of the river. I guess it keeps them from putting in a "Yield to Oncoming Canoe Traffic" signs - and they probably had these lying around after the whole Camp Crystal Lake thing.
Ok, here's the last one. Just before you cross the river on a cool bouncy suspension bridge you encounter this sign:
YOU ARE ENTERING AN AREA THAT CONTAINS
DEEP SANDSTONE CANYONS AND ONE OF THE
[ ............................ missing board.............................. ]
PROTECT. AND ENJOY THIS PRICELESS HERITAGE.
Any of my guests interested in filling in the blank? The Dashboard comment lines are open!
Getting my new plates has inspired me to look around a bit when I'm driving through the countryside. There seem to be a lot of signs .... not billboards .. but signs everywhere. So here they are (with a bit of commentary).
Here is a cool little historical marker that I snapped on the way to Linton. I must admit that I'd never heard of the Wabash Canal, so this was neat to read - not that anyone could actually read it without stopping on the bridge and dodging irritated motorists while leaning over the guard rail. FYI - this portion of the canal cut between corn and soybean fields, so over time quite a bit of excess soil and debris has been pushed in to fill the gap. It's just a drainage ditch now.
Another "inconvenient truth" marker on yet another bridge - this one on T's favorite stretch of road in the universe (between the 46/59 junction headed towards Clay City). This dam is still visible along the road along with the small breaks in the guardrails where the heavy equipment left the road to go down to the river. There are also a couple of maintenance and pump towers along the way. They look rather lonely and neglected - but I imagine a few of the local kids have made secret hideaways of them over the years.
This was also the first 2-sided marker that I'd encountered. To prevent anyone else from asking me if everything was "o.k", I quickly took the first of the two pictures and came home .... only to read the "continued on other side" when I uploaded that evening. The second picture was a couple of days later and didn't turn out nearly as well.
Across the road from the inconvenient two-sided marker at the dam is this EEL RIVER sign. I point this out because the Eel is the Clay City mascot for basketball and the proposed-but still imaginary football team. I found the following quote about the river's name in the Wiki article linked above:
"Johnny Shawnessy probably had a better guess about the river's name than anyone else as he was the only person in the County for years who made any research into the Indian culture. He finally decided that the river's name was related to the Indian word "Shakamak," meaning long fish or eel. There was a Shakamak River in southern Indiana; and in the northern part of the state, an Eel River, which in the Miami tongue had been called the Kenapocomoko, or River of Snake Fish.
The only drawback to Johnny's theory was the fact that he never found an eel in the river. "
In a previous post, I recounted our trip to Shakamak (a.k.a "Long Fish") park .... isn't wiki cool?!
In spite of the questionable eel history (or maybe because of it) the signs that visitors pass on the way in and out of town leave the mascot in the river and proclaim Clay City as the "Mayberry of the Midwest". One of the local merchants (the owner of the local A&W / Gas Station / Laundromat) got the slogan pushed through the city council but has been unable to get the other business to sign off on a plan to retrofit main street to look like Mayberry or get the Andy Griffith museum/jail/visitor center built.
One interesting fact about the plan is that his business is on the outskirts of the city and wouldn't be part of the compulsory remodel. He does have a vintage replica of Barney's squad car though. Also, I think it's cool that Clay City celebrated it's centennial the year T and I were born.
FYI - this field isn't even close to the river. If water manages to get over this road, see if the guy driving a 300 cubit gopher-wood cruiser will give you a lift. Also it is not necessary for any sign on Indiana roads to be perpendicular to the ground.
No witty commentary here. I just thought a sign about signs would be appropriate for the blog.
Sadly the picture of the "Road Oil In Use" sign that we tried to get as we drove away didn't come out. If you've never experienced Road Oil .... it's the black oil that they dump on the gravel roads to keep the dust down and (hopefully) build up over time into a cheap alternative to actually paving the road. If you can see the oil sitting on the road - and you like your current paint job - go around and let the good ol' boys in their pickup trucks get the splatterin' out of the way.
This is the first of 3 pics from our trip to Turkey Run State park. 'Turkey' is by far the best state park that I've ever been too (except Edisto Beach in NC). The other park that we visit most frequently is McCormick's Creek. We've noticed a whole section of the hiking trails there is closed for construction. Once we saw the updates to Turkey since our last visit, we are expecting to see a lot more signs like this one at McCormick's. BTW: 70 steps down .... no problem .... but after a hike through the canyons, climbing up and down past other "140" step signs, and scaling a cliff face on ladders bolted into the rock, these 70 steps were a pain.
On the back of this sign it says, " If the river doesn't get ya - we will" .... well - not really, but it's kinda implied. Makes you wonder why all of the Turkey Run Canoe rental expeditions go right through this part of the river. I guess it keeps them from putting in a "Yield to Oncoming Canoe Traffic" signs - and they probably had these lying around after the whole Camp Crystal Lake thing.
Ok, here's the last one. Just before you cross the river on a cool bouncy suspension bridge you encounter this sign:
YOU ARE ENTERING AN AREA THAT CONTAINS
DEEP SANDSTONE CANYONS AND ONE OF THE
[ ............................ missing board.............................. ]
PROTECT. AND ENJOY THIS PRICELESS HERITAGE.
Any of my guests interested in filling in the blank? The Dashboard comment lines are open!
Saturday, June 16, 2007
5 7 5
cadillac dreamin
a chuck e cheese speed demon
back home tomorrow
--
lazy-boy linguist
speaker of words unspoken
woodstock says the most
--
one more week to go
a time to hold little hands
laundry folding love
--
a flight to to denver
tiny pillow luggage lost
the z-man cometh
--
a system collapse
* * * * * * *
* * * * *
--
far away from all
smiling frowning lifting up
dashing in the dark
--
a chuck e cheese speed demon
back home tomorrow
--
lazy-boy linguist
speaker of words unspoken
woodstock says the most
--
one more week to go
a time to hold little hands
laundry folding love
--
a flight to to denver
tiny pillow luggage lost
the z-man cometh
--
a system collapse
* * * * * * *
* * * * *
--
far away from all
smiling frowning lifting up
dashing in the dark
--
Friday, February 16, 2007
Rush to Judgement
On the day that it happened, I was a drummer - A BIG BASS-DRUMmer. It was the first day of summer Band Camp 1988 and I had just got the harness adjusted on a drum so big I could hardly see over it.
I was a sophomore transfer to the school and new to marching band. The good news was that my previous semester of Orchestral triangle experience qualified me to be a bass drummer instead of a lowly cymbal player - so I was feeling pretty cool. We were in marching practice all morning, so I really didn't get a chance to talk to the other drummers until after lunch. I was assigned to Bass #4 (the easiest to play and the hardest to carry), so I was tired but excited.
It was break time and not quite everyone had piled into cars for run to the Circle K. The other 3 Bass players were girls and they all seemed to know each other pretty well .... and let just say they weren't very friendly to the new guy (or I was a total geek ... you make the call). With no one else to talk to I avoided the cymbal players and bravely approached the Snare Drum gods. This was dangerous since I had skipped at least 2 levels of aristocracy. (I should have made nice nice with the Bass girls, become a Tenor drum sycophant, or looked for my Saxophone friend. I deserved what happened:
Bass4: "Hey guys, hows it goin?"
Snare god#3 (lord of the hatchback wagon): "Hey"
---- awkward pause ----
Bass4: "That drum major is marching us to death"
Snare god#2 (lord of crude hand gestures and drum stick imagery): "whatever"
Bass4: "So do you guys practice a lot?"
Snare god#1 (blessed be hs name): "This is the hardest music we will ever play as drummers - everything else is down hill from here .... just chick-chick-bop and boom bitti boom boom and rat a tat tat splash." Note - This is drum-speak for Rock, Rap, and Michael Bolton music.
Snare god#4 (lowliest of all the gods): "So what kind of music do you listen to? Note - I should have just taken my word from the mountain and just walked away before this question was asked.
Bass4: "I like a little bit of everything - as long as it's played well"
Snare god #1 (blessed be his name): "Do you like Rush?"
------ Oh dear God .... I don't know who Rush is much less, the drummers name .... I'm going to look stupid! What if I say he's good and he sucks ... I better play it safe ..... ----------
Bass4: "The keyboard players pretty good"
All 4 Snare gods: Evil Laughter
Snare god #4 (newly apointed lord of embarrassment): "Hey Kristin (a.k.a. Bass #3 - High Priestess of Bass drums), your new Bass drummer thinks Rush's keyboard player is pretty good"
I was a sophomore transfer to the school and new to marching band. The good news was that my previous semester of Orchestral triangle experience qualified me to be a bass drummer instead of a lowly cymbal player - so I was feeling pretty cool. We were in marching practice all morning, so I really didn't get a chance to talk to the other drummers until after lunch. I was assigned to Bass #4 (the easiest to play and the hardest to carry), so I was tired but excited.
It was break time and not quite everyone had piled into cars for run to the Circle K. The other 3 Bass players were girls and they all seemed to know each other pretty well .... and let just say they weren't very friendly to the new guy (or I was a total geek ... you make the call). With no one else to talk to I avoided the cymbal players and bravely approached the Snare Drum gods. This was dangerous since I had skipped at least 2 levels of aristocracy. (I should have made nice nice with the Bass girls, become a Tenor drum sycophant, or looked for my Saxophone friend. I deserved what happened:
Bass4: "Hey guys, hows it goin?"
Snare god#3 (lord of the hatchback wagon): "Hey"
---- awkward pause ----
Bass4: "That drum major is marching us to death"
Snare god#2 (lord of crude hand gestures and drum stick imagery): "whatever"
Bass4: "So do you guys practice a lot?"
Snare god#1 (blessed be hs name): "This is the hardest music we will ever play as drummers - everything else is down hill from here .... just chick-chick-bop and boom bitti boom boom and rat a tat tat splash." Note - This is drum-speak for Rock, Rap, and Michael Bolton music.
Snare god#4 (lowliest of all the gods): "So what kind of music do you listen to? Note - I should have just taken my word from the mountain and just walked away before this question was asked.
Bass4: "I like a little bit of everything - as long as it's played well"
Snare god #1 (blessed be his name): "Do you like Rush?"
------ Oh dear God .... I don't know who Rush is much less, the drummers name .... I'm going to look stupid! What if I say he's good and he sucks ... I better play it safe ..... ----------
Bass4: "The keyboard players pretty good"
All 4 Snare gods: Evil Laughter
Snare god #4 (newly apointed lord of embarrassment): "Hey Kristin (a.k.a. Bass #3 - High Priestess of Bass drums), your new Bass drummer thinks Rush's keyboard player is pretty good"
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Opening Credits
As I was driving home on Friday, I heard a traffic report from our local traffic-chopper-guy noting that a Christmas tree was causing a good deal of trouble on Interstate 35 here in KC. I chuckled at this because (1) its pretty late in the January to still be getting rid of the holiday decorations and (2) the weather we've been having made me imagine several cars swerving and honking over Perry Como singing "Winter Wonderland".
In my mind, this last bit looked like the opening sequence of a movie during the executive producer and casting credits. The only question at that point was what kind of movie it was. Since holiday movies are a hobby of mine, I decided that this particular opening could be the start of several different films.
Romantic Comedy
=============
This is the story of Person #1 ... (a dog lover who loves Christmas but is slightly stressed over the demands of the holidays). Person #1 loses the tree on her way home from volunteering because a mischevious santa-like tree salesman only tied it down well enough to make it to their appointment with destiny - a.k.a Person #2 ... (who we will find is a slightly bitter 30-something professional with a overly developed sense of humbug). The goood news is that Mr humbug once had a Christmas-puppy, so after a few snow-dusted dates ... and a misunderstanding about a Person #1's possible x-lover that turns out to be a sibling (or gay friend) ... the happy couple can find joy - and love together.
Lifetime Drama
===============
When Meredith Baxter Birney hits a Christmas tree while swerving to avoid an acident, it's just the begining of a terrible day. Not only does she have tinsel on her bumper ... she has egg on her face. Her husband (Judge Reinhold) can be seen from the road kissing his secretary/business partner/student/half-sister and it just gets messy from there. Lot's of Christmas decorations get smashed and or burned (along with some golf clubs). Still there is reason to celebrate when Meredith and her adult daughter, Melissa Gilbert, are able to agree (while volunteering), that all men are pigs ..... except Bruce Boxleitner.
Science Fiction
===============
When Jeff Goldblum volunteers to drives his Mom's free-range Christmas tree to the local conservation pond to be used as part of a fish habitat, he swerves to miss a strangely limping park ranger dragging a deer accross the road. When the tree lands on the ranger, Jeff hops out to assist, but finds a green glow in the dead man's eyes (and some human bite-marks on the deer). It turns out that ranger was dead .... sort of .... but walking around under the power of an alien force. The incecticide-free evergreen needles seemed to have reversed the effect .... so Jeff works with NASA, The Teamsters, and The Forrest service to kick some alien butt.
Action Thriller
=============
Volunteer department store Santa Ben Affleck/Bruce Willis (depending on the decade) ..... santa suits ..... high-speed chases ..... lots of bullets ..... terrorist threat .... non-plot-related slutty stewardess/waitress/nurse ... and lots of Jerry Bruckheimer explosions. Oh, yeah .... and a tree.
Horror
=============
About 10 years ago, Tommy got attacked by a creep in a Santa suit while he was volunteering at the local Christmas tree lot. Now, after running into a gigantic tree on his way home from graduate school, Tommy is freaking out because cheerleaders, little kids, and old ladies (but mostly cheerleaders) are getting the plum pudding beat out of them and have been found all over town with a stake of holly shoved through their heart. Big shocker ... Tommy's the one that should be on the naughty list ... and as he slowly figures it out, it dosen't look too good for Suzy his ex-cheerleader high school girlfriend. Still she manages to push him off a cliff in the end ... impaling him on an evergreen branch.
Family Drama
=============
New Year's Eve: The tree falling off the back of the rusty pickup prompts a well dressed man - with red hair and glasses - to pull the tree out of the road. As he does, he notices a letter to Santa rolled up in the branches. ........
Flash Back - Christmas Eve: Daddy is out of work, so the scraggly tree we see him bring home from the lot (after volunteering) is the last reject that nobody wanted. Still, we know that this is a special tree because Timmy/Sarah (the sick but wise 9-year old red-head) decorates it while the rest of the family is carroling. He/She would have loved to be singing with the family but is still trying to brighten their spirits for what may be their last Christmas together. We get to see the note to Santa slipped into the tree just before the family returns. Timmy/Sarah takes a turn for the worse on Christmas morning and the gifts stay wrapped. The week is filled with tears and visits from friends, neighbors, and the crochety land-lord (who threatens to evict the family on new year's day if the rent isn't paid).
As the new year approaches, dad goes into a gentle rage and rips all the decorations down and drives them to the dump, he doesn't seem to notice that the tree has fallen out of the truck - or the owner of the sleek Jaguar that pulls over to move it. Now that we are full circle, we can learn that glasses-guy is dad's estranged brother driving through town after years in the Peace Corp (apparently making lots of money) He's a doctor and knows just how to get Timmy/Sarah well. Its a good thing that the return address was on Santa's letter - or he might never of found his childhood home .... or been able to buy it from the land-lord.
....did I leave any genre of holiday movie out?
In my mind, this last bit looked like the opening sequence of a movie during the executive producer and casting credits. The only question at that point was what kind of movie it was. Since holiday movies are a hobby of mine, I decided that this particular opening could be the start of several different films.
Romantic Comedy
=============
This is the story of Person #1 ... (a dog lover who loves Christmas but is slightly stressed over the demands of the holidays). Person #1 loses the tree on her way home from volunteering because a mischevious santa-like tree salesman only tied it down well enough to make it to their appointment with destiny - a.k.a Person #2 ... (who we will find is a slightly bitter 30-something professional with a overly developed sense of humbug). The goood news is that Mr humbug once had a Christmas-puppy, so after a few snow-dusted dates ... and a misunderstanding about a Person #1's possible x-lover that turns out to be a sibling (or gay friend) ... the happy couple can find joy - and love together.
Lifetime Drama
===============
When Meredith Baxter Birney hits a Christmas tree while swerving to avoid an acident, it's just the begining of a terrible day. Not only does she have tinsel on her bumper ... she has egg on her face. Her husband (Judge Reinhold) can be seen from the road kissing his secretary/business partner/student/half-sister and it just gets messy from there. Lot's of Christmas decorations get smashed and or burned (along with some golf clubs). Still there is reason to celebrate when Meredith and her adult daughter, Melissa Gilbert, are able to agree (while volunteering), that all men are pigs ..... except Bruce Boxleitner.
Science Fiction
===============
When Jeff Goldblum volunteers to drives his Mom's free-range Christmas tree to the local conservation pond to be used as part of a fish habitat, he swerves to miss a strangely limping park ranger dragging a deer accross the road. When the tree lands on the ranger, Jeff hops out to assist, but finds a green glow in the dead man's eyes (and some human bite-marks on the deer). It turns out that ranger was dead .... sort of .... but walking around under the power of an alien force. The incecticide-free evergreen needles seemed to have reversed the effect .... so Jeff works with NASA, The Teamsters, and The Forrest service to kick some alien butt.
Action Thriller
=============
Volunteer department store Santa Ben Affleck/Bruce Willis (depending on the decade) ..... santa suits ..... high-speed chases ..... lots of bullets ..... terrorist threat .... non-plot-related slutty stewardess/waitress/nurse ... and lots of Jerry Bruckheimer explosions. Oh, yeah .... and a tree.
Horror
=============
About 10 years ago, Tommy got attacked by a creep in a Santa suit while he was volunteering at the local Christmas tree lot. Now, after running into a gigantic tree on his way home from graduate school, Tommy is freaking out because cheerleaders, little kids, and old ladies (but mostly cheerleaders) are getting the plum pudding beat out of them and have been found all over town with a stake of holly shoved through their heart. Big shocker ... Tommy's the one that should be on the naughty list ... and as he slowly figures it out, it dosen't look too good for Suzy his ex-cheerleader high school girlfriend. Still she manages to push him off a cliff in the end ... impaling him on an evergreen branch.
Family Drama
=============
New Year's Eve: The tree falling off the back of the rusty pickup prompts a well dressed man - with red hair and glasses - to pull the tree out of the road. As he does, he notices a letter to Santa rolled up in the branches. ........
Flash Back - Christmas Eve: Daddy is out of work, so the scraggly tree we see him bring home from the lot (after volunteering) is the last reject that nobody wanted. Still, we know that this is a special tree because Timmy/Sarah (the sick but wise 9-year old red-head) decorates it while the rest of the family is carroling. He/She would have loved to be singing with the family but is still trying to brighten their spirits for what may be their last Christmas together. We get to see the note to Santa slipped into the tree just before the family returns. Timmy/Sarah takes a turn for the worse on Christmas morning and the gifts stay wrapped. The week is filled with tears and visits from friends, neighbors, and the crochety land-lord (who threatens to evict the family on new year's day if the rent isn't paid).
As the new year approaches, dad goes into a gentle rage and rips all the decorations down and drives them to the dump, he doesn't seem to notice that the tree has fallen out of the truck - or the owner of the sleek Jaguar that pulls over to move it. Now that we are full circle, we can learn that glasses-guy is dad's estranged brother driving through town after years in the Peace Corp (apparently making lots of money) He's a doctor and knows just how to get Timmy/Sarah well. Its a good thing that the return address was on Santa's letter - or he might never of found his childhood home .... or been able to buy it from the land-lord.
....did I leave any genre of holiday movie out?
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
GasWorks
Wayne's World - Scene 4
*********************************************
==== Wayne and Garth approach Tiny the Bouncer ====
Wayne: Hey, Tiny, who's playing tonight?
Tiny: Jolly Green Giants, Sh**y Beatles.
Wayne: The Sh**y Beatles? Are they any good?
Tiny: They suck.
Wayne: Then it's not just a clever name? Who else?
Tiny: Crucial Taunt, just finishing.
Wayne: I hear they can wail.
Tiny: You're right.
Wayne: Party on.
Tiny: Party on.
==== Wayne and Garth Walking Down the Stairs into the Club ====
Wayne: This is the Gasworks, an excellent heavy metal bar. - Always a babefest.
Garth: And they got a pool table, too.
*********************************************
It's been 14 years since Garth said those magic words .. and now (thanks to Forrest and Vernal), it can also be said about the home of Mr. T and Mrs. Dash.
It took about 2 and 1/2 hours to assemble but that was the easy part - Forrest and Russian Teacher did all the heavy lifting getting it into the garage - a.k.a the "game room". T takes the kudos for winning the first game of 8 ball game - I won the first 9 ball game .... and C-man gets the prize for figuring out what those extra screws were for.
We debated about wether to recover the table, but .... since Watson's was closed and we really wanted to play ..... decided to stretch the existing felt into place. It all went together well - and hey, no quarters!
We'll probably still get a couple more cue-sticks (and I'd like to get a 9-ball rack for Christmas - hint hint) but we are set up and ready to go!!!
Rack'em Up and Party On!
Monday, August 07, 2006
Dash's Blockbuster Post
Since T and I have been steering towards the on-demand feature of our cable provider, we left the online rental program at Blockbuster. We are limited in the number of on-demand films available though; so we occasionally still drop into the local store to pick up a rental. We purchased a $10 rewards membership to help with this since it didn't have a monthly fee and promised 1 free non-new-release each month (along with an unlikely free new release each month if we rented 5 or 6 others).
After a few months we realized that we weren't getting the coupon in the mail (or email), so I asked the clerk about it when I was paying for yet another non-free-non-new-release rental. He gave me one and told me that they print them at the store now and that I could get one every month. Sadly, there was no way to get any sort of credit on all the month's I'd missed waiting for them at home. At least I had learned my lesson - I thought.
Last night I went to the counter to get my coupon ... but was told I had to rent something first. Apparently, the coupon prints at the end of the first eligible transaction each month. The explanation for this was that if I was coming into the store anyway .... I'd obviously be renting something (and be able to use my coupon when I brought that movie back). It took a while for the "manager" to grasp the fact that this was essentially forcing me to pay for my free movie and was at best a rent-1-get-1-free offer. Since I had forgotten to come into the store for a few months now (due to the un-mailed coupons), I was now ineligible for the satisfaction-guaranteed refund on the Rewards Account.
After a few moments of glaring disapproval and a regrettable description of the program as "crappy", the manager agreed to enter a super-secret-and-previously-unavailable code that would send my future coupons to my email address where they could be printed. Again, there was no way to recoup my lost coupons ... and since I refused to rent something else, I left the store without a movie.
On the good side of things - someone at Blockbuster got a hefty little bonus for keeping promotional costs down on the Rewards program. And (after I use my 6 remaining free non-new-release coupons) the company will continue to save on labor cost for the hourly employees that will no longer need to say, "hello" to me as I enter the store, ring me up, offer me candy, or restock my future rentals.
After a few months we realized that we weren't getting the coupon in the mail (or email), so I asked the clerk about it when I was paying for yet another non-free-non-new-release rental. He gave me one and told me that they print them at the store now and that I could get one every month. Sadly, there was no way to get any sort of credit on all the month's I'd missed waiting for them at home. At least I had learned my lesson - I thought.
Last night I went to the counter to get my coupon ... but was told I had to rent something first. Apparently, the coupon prints at the end of the first eligible transaction each month. The explanation for this was that if I was coming into the store anyway .... I'd obviously be renting something (and be able to use my coupon when I brought that movie back). It took a while for the "manager" to grasp the fact that this was essentially forcing me to pay for my free movie and was at best a rent-1-get-1-free offer. Since I had forgotten to come into the store for a few months now (due to the un-mailed coupons), I was now ineligible for the satisfaction-guaranteed refund on the Rewards Account.
After a few moments of glaring disapproval and a regrettable description of the program as "crappy", the manager agreed to enter a super-secret-and-previously-unavailable code that would send my future coupons to my email address where they could be printed. Again, there was no way to recoup my lost coupons ... and since I refused to rent something else, I left the store without a movie.
On the good side of things - someone at Blockbuster got a hefty little bonus for keeping promotional costs down on the Rewards program. And (after I use my 6 remaining free non-new-release coupons) the company will continue to save on labor cost for the hourly employees that will no longer need to say, "hello" to me as I enter the store, ring me up, offer me candy, or restock my future rentals.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Zen Yachtzee
... or ... the long Yachtzee game of the soul.
I've been drinking decaf sodas and or water for the last few weeks. It caught up with me today behind door number 2. I had just rolled 1,2,4,5,6 and I needed four 3s to get my bonus; so I just closed my eyes and went for it.
There was aproximately 5 minutes between the time I pushed the button for my final roll and when I registered the result.
3, 3, 3, 3, 3 - YACHTZEE.
I love this game!
I've been drinking decaf sodas and or water for the last few weeks. It caught up with me today behind door number 2. I had just rolled 1,2,4,5,6 and I needed four 3s to get my bonus; so I just closed my eyes and went for it.
There was aproximately 5 minutes between the time I pushed the button for my final roll and when I registered the result.
3, 3, 3, 3, 3 - YACHTZEE.
I love this game!
Friday, February 17, 2006
Night of the Creeps
Well .. my disdain for my college poetry (and human decency) has prompted me to move on from my last topic. Sorry to be so long between posts, but I think a little bit of waiting will end up being better than reading more about my wounded inner child. Ironically, it was another sort of college poetry that inspired today's post - the kind written on bathroom walls.
In 'Night of the Creeps' (a horribly funny college zombie flick from 1986), the movie's only tragic death takes place in the campus medical center bathroom. The witty sidekick finds himself alone with the body of the night janitor who's head has exploded releasing little slug-aliens that are now scurrying across the floor.
The side-kick, who walks with the aid of crutches, knows he can't outrun the aliens; so he faces his death with a valiant fight and learns that the little monsters can be killed with fire. Sadly, there aren't enough matches .. so he ends up with a slug down his throat. As the parasite takes over his nervous system he finds that he is able to walk on his own. Although he knows he is dying - and must find a way to keep the slugs from reproducing in his now decomposing brain - he triumphantly kills the remaining slugs in the bathroom and runs off to warn the hero.
On the bathroom wall for the entire scene: Stryper Rules
In 'Night of the Creeps' (a horribly funny college zombie flick from 1986), the movie's only tragic death takes place in the campus medical center bathroom. The witty sidekick finds himself alone with the body of the night janitor who's head has exploded releasing little slug-aliens that are now scurrying across the floor.
The side-kick, who walks with the aid of crutches, knows he can't outrun the aliens; so he faces his death with a valiant fight and learns that the little monsters can be killed with fire. Sadly, there aren't enough matches .. so he ends up with a slug down his throat. As the parasite takes over his nervous system he finds that he is able to walk on his own. Although he knows he is dying - and must find a way to keep the slugs from reproducing in his now decomposing brain - he triumphantly kills the remaining slugs in the bathroom and runs off to warn the hero.
On the bathroom wall for the entire scene: Stryper Rules
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Grape Soda
I found myself this evening at the local Price Chopper. Since I was thirsty, I decided to grab a soda from the cold case at the end of the register - Welch's Grape Soda to be specific.
While this is certainly not the only time in 12 years that I've had a welch's purple happy party on my tastebuds, I couldn't help but think back to the days that I was "working" late nights as a campus radio jockey and feeding all the spare change I could find into the 1970's coke machine in the station lobby to get my grape fix.
I had all but given up my dream to be a dj before T and I met - after all getting a psychology degree was much more likely to get me a job (ha ha). Besides, I have a weird voice and, as Forrest so often points out, there is a very limited market for 'classic Christian rock' and an even smaller number of radio stations with pressing need for on air talent. It was fun; I had my own office down at the station with 'marketing director' on the door and a healthy amount of CDs coming from my other 'job' at the bookstore. I even got to say our unofficial tag line on the air as I signed off at midnight:
"KECC .... One God ... One Watt .... One Speaker .... One Listener"
I covered the '92 election from the news desk, recorded a few commercials (beside the ones I did for class), and even got to do an interview with 4Him .... Oh the memories. Then again, one of the best things about doing radio was that it got me to quit writing poetry. More on that next time.
While this is certainly not the only time in 12 years that I've had a welch's purple happy party on my tastebuds, I couldn't help but think back to the days that I was "working" late nights as a campus radio jockey and feeding all the spare change I could find into the 1970's coke machine in the station lobby to get my grape fix.
I had all but given up my dream to be a dj before T and I met - after all getting a psychology degree was much more likely to get me a job (ha ha). Besides, I have a weird voice and, as Forrest so often points out, there is a very limited market for 'classic Christian rock' and an even smaller number of radio stations with pressing need for on air talent. It was fun; I had my own office down at the station with 'marketing director' on the door and a healthy amount of CDs coming from my other 'job' at the bookstore. I even got to say our unofficial tag line on the air as I signed off at midnight:
"KECC .... One God ... One Watt .... One Speaker .... One Listener"
I covered the '92 election from the news desk, recorded a few commercials (beside the ones I did for class), and even got to do an interview with 4Him .... Oh the memories. Then again, one of the best things about doing radio was that it got me to quit writing poetry. More on that next time.
Friday, February 03, 2006
Top 10 Recent Train Wrecks
10. Survivor Seasons that contain tears over a dead sea-turtle
9. Trivial Pursuit - 90's Time Capsule Edition
8. "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" - Staring George Lazenby as James Bond .... George Who???
7. Job Interviews in which you are told you are the top candidate
6. Any Lifetime Movie (ever) i.e. "Who Stole My Daughter"
5. Any Steven Segal i.e. "Under Siege"
4. Half-day recognition meetings" ... If I say that I do, in fact, recognize who you are ... can I go home now?
3. Meetings that start with, "We've been reviewing some participant survey data ...."
2. "The Perfect Man" .... or anytime Hilary Duff and Heather Locklear are in the same movie.
1. Mentally connecting Charlies Angels and Touched By an Angel
9. Trivial Pursuit - 90's Time Capsule Edition
8. "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" - Staring George Lazenby as James Bond .... George Who???
7. Job Interviews in which you are told you are the top candidate
6. Any Lifetime Movie (ever) i.e. "Who Stole My Daughter"
5. Any Steven Segal i.e. "Under Siege"
4. Half-day recognition meetings" ... If I say that I do, in fact, recognize who you are ... can I go home now?
3. Meetings that start with, "We've been reviewing some participant survey data ...."
2. "The Perfect Man" .... or anytime Hilary Duff and Heather Locklear are in the same movie.
1. Mentally connecting Charlies Angels and Touched By an Angel
Thursday, December 15, 2005
ADDIE-IZE
Yesterday - during a phone interview I worked in on my way to the airport - I spouted off the complete ADDIE training model from memory (Analysis - Design - Development - Implementation - Evaluation) along with a few examples of how I do each one. The gal interviewing me responded by asking me if I was still driving. When I said that I was and asked why ... she said that she was surprised that I could pull all that out of my head without a reference. But that was the point - ADDIE is the reference!
Those of you that have been reading my blog for a while might remember (back in the good ol' days when I was posting every other day) a discussion on the various personality / communication / humor models. As I said then, I love models!
They can be very skewed and sometimes patronizingly stereotypical - but a good model can be very reassuring. I'm not just talking about personality or training models here - but all the mental and organizational systems that are available to help us VOICE (Vocalize-Organize-Internalize-Cannibalize-Exercise) ideas ... oops there's one now. I love it ... and it's only 2 minutes old. Admittedly, "canabalize" is a bit of a stretch ... and I probably should have reinforced the paradigm with "ExerciZe".
Maybe if I come back to it, I can find a way to include "Realize". Its 2:45am as I type this, so I better stop now before I try to incorporate "Euthanize" or "AdvertiZe". Then again, a few more thoughts might "Materialize" .... with no attempt to "Specialize" or "Rationalize" (ooooh good one!)
Is it a crime against thought (if not a thought-crime) to make the point of the model submissive to it's components? Still finding a good fitting model i.e. SMART goals ... (Specific-Measurable-Achievable-Relevant-TimeBound) or CLOSE (Consistent-Levels-Of-Sales-Excellence) is a magical thing.
Those of you that have been reading my blog for a while might remember (back in the good ol' days when I was posting every other day) a discussion on the various personality / communication / humor models. As I said then, I love models!
They can be very skewed and sometimes patronizingly stereotypical - but a good model can be very reassuring. I'm not just talking about personality or training models here - but all the mental and organizational systems that are available to help us VOICE (Vocalize-Organize-Internalize-Cannibalize-Exercise) ideas ... oops there's one now. I love it ... and it's only 2 minutes old. Admittedly, "canabalize" is a bit of a stretch ... and I probably should have reinforced the paradigm with "ExerciZe".
Maybe if I come back to it, I can find a way to include "Realize". Its 2:45am as I type this, so I better stop now before I try to incorporate "Euthanize" or "AdvertiZe". Then again, a few more thoughts might "Materialize" .... with no attempt to "Specialize" or "Rationalize" (ooooh good one!)
Is it a crime against thought (if not a thought-crime) to make the point of the model submissive to it's components? Still finding a good fitting model i.e. SMART goals ... (Specific-Measurable-Achievable-Relevant-TimeBound) or CLOSE (Consistent-Levels-Of-Sales-Excellence) is a magical thing.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Tri-fecta
Within the last 60 minutes, I've consumed:
* One 20 oz. Cappuccino
* One 20 oz. Diet Coke (with lime)
* Five chocolate covered Expresso Beans
... I feel like Beavis ..... hehehehe ....nyanyanyanya .....jumpy jumpy.... cool!
gogogogogogogogogogogogogogo - uh hehehehehehe.
* One 20 oz. Cappuccino
* One 20 oz. Diet Coke (with lime)
* Five chocolate covered Expresso Beans
... I feel like Beavis ..... hehehehe ....nyanyanyanya .....jumpy jumpy.... cool!
gogogogogogogogogogogogogogo - uh hehehehehehe.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
The Sports Pages
Sometimes I find that someone has left a gift behind door number two - sometimes it's the sports pages. As I flipped through the box scores, basketball player indictments, and (shudder) NASCAR highlights this morning; I realized that whenever I've found a portion of the newspaper in a bathroom stall, it has always been the sports pages. Even when I've been lucky enough to find an entire paper ... it's turned to the sports pages. If I go to my favorite Mexican restaurant and excuse myself to men's room for a quick stand-up .... when I look up at the wall, what do I see? Sports Pages!!!
I see a few possibilities that might explain this trend:
1. All the men that frequent the same restrooms I do are sports fans.
2. Only men that are Sports Fans bother with actually buying a paper in today's world of technology.
3. "News" from the Sports Pages can be quickly read when making a pit stop (notice the NASCAR-ism).
4. "News" from the Sports Pages are important/mundane enough to warrant long times of contemplation.
5. Some men are so ashamed of their sports obsession that they feel the need to pursue it in secrecy.
6. Some men are so happy with their obsession that they leave the sports pages like a Gideon Bible in a hotel room.
7. Men that read the paper in the restroom want other men to think they are manly; so they leave the sports pages.
8. No one actually reads the Sports Pages and men are just pulling them out of the paper to leave them behind door #2 with the rest of their little "gifts".
I see a few possibilities that might explain this trend:
1. All the men that frequent the same restrooms I do are sports fans.
2. Only men that are Sports Fans bother with actually buying a paper in today's world of technology.
3. "News" from the Sports Pages can be quickly read when making a pit stop (notice the NASCAR-ism).
4. "News" from the Sports Pages are important/mundane enough to warrant long times of contemplation.
5. Some men are so ashamed of their sports obsession that they feel the need to pursue it in secrecy.
6. Some men are so happy with their obsession that they leave the sports pages like a Gideon Bible in a hotel room.
7. Men that read the paper in the restroom want other men to think they are manly; so they leave the sports pages.
8. No one actually reads the Sports Pages and men are just pulling them out of the paper to leave them behind door #2 with the rest of their little "gifts".
Monday, May 09, 2005
Building Trust
It's that time again in the citi ... time for our semi annual performance review. If you are unfamiliar with the "semi" think of it just as you would any other painful attempt to justify your existence - but without the glimmer of an unlikely pay raise. Apparently it's not enough to force all the people actually doing to work to drop everything to create a regurgitation of all the monthly and or weekly reports they've already submitted once a year - we get to do it twice!
Ok, I'm not really that bitter about doing a performance review on myself now and then. I realize that it's a good opportunity to point out the good stuff I do and make sure that no one ever says, "what does he do again?". On the other hand, if you're my manager, and I have to tell you what I've done in the last 6 months - something's not quite right.
I've started to get used to it, and now my semi's turn out to be compilations rather than regurgitations of all my reporting data - splashed with what I hope is an ironic sense of humor and the appropriate amount of indirect self-flattery. The one portion of the review that I simply can't stand though are the "competencies".
If you have to include competencies in your own self evaluations, you probably let out a small groan just reading the word. The official performance review guide, my 5th in 2 years, explains that it would be incomplete - and some say "unfair" to rate an employee simply based on their impact to the company or team .. (i.e. # projects completed, $ saved/earned, number of lawsuits filed against the employer etc.) We must add competencies that rate how professionally we did what we did.
For example:
Competency #6: Building Trust
* 6.3 - Business Ethics [Rating - 1-5] Describe with significant examples.
What kind of "significant examples" am I supposed to list?
- Dash demonstrated business ethics by not lying to his boss more than once a week over the last 6 months. This is 4.27% improvement over the last rating period. Dash achieved further excellence by achieving a 0% embezzlement rate and a corporate espionage level significantly lower that his peers. Dash communicates his ethical success throughout the organization and acts as an ethical practices champion for the region. [Competency rating: 4 - Outstanding Contribution]
Ok, I'm not really that bitter about doing a performance review on myself now and then. I realize that it's a good opportunity to point out the good stuff I do and make sure that no one ever says, "what does he do again?". On the other hand, if you're my manager, and I have to tell you what I've done in the last 6 months - something's not quite right.
I've started to get used to it, and now my semi's turn out to be compilations rather than regurgitations of all my reporting data - splashed with what I hope is an ironic sense of humor and the appropriate amount of indirect self-flattery. The one portion of the review that I simply can't stand though are the "competencies".
If you have to include competencies in your own self evaluations, you probably let out a small groan just reading the word. The official performance review guide, my 5th in 2 years, explains that it would be incomplete - and some say "unfair" to rate an employee simply based on their impact to the company or team .. (i.e. # projects completed, $ saved/earned, number of lawsuits filed against the employer etc.) We must add competencies that rate how professionally we did what we did.
For example:
Competency #6: Building Trust
* 6.3 - Business Ethics [Rating - 1-5] Describe with significant examples.
What kind of "significant examples" am I supposed to list?
- Dash demonstrated business ethics by not lying to his boss more than once a week over the last 6 months. This is 4.27% improvement over the last rating period. Dash achieved further excellence by achieving a 0% embezzlement rate and a corporate espionage level significantly lower that his peers. Dash communicates his ethical success throughout the organization and acts as an ethical practices champion for the region. [Competency rating: 4 - Outstanding Contribution]
Saturday, April 30, 2005
For Here Or To Go?
This evening I was dispatched to the local Kentucky-Fried establishment to pick up some chicken for dinner. I had noticed that they had a special running that would be cheaper than McDonalds .. and they have really good green beans ....
After waiting for the folks behind the counter to fill what I'm sure was about 5 drive through orders, a nice young man offered to take my order. I don't usually notice the ethnicity of my fast food order takers, but it struck me that he was relaying my order - or at least commenting on it - in an asian language to the guy behind the wall o' chicken. Looking around, I saw that all of the employees appeared to be of Asian descent. This seemed a bit odd because I've been to the same store at other times and noticed other "grouped" employees. I wonder if this is a national strategy - or just what works well for scheduling.
But, I've gotten off track ... What I really wanted to blog about was my order. I picked the new "mixed bucket" which features 4 pieces of Extra Crispy chicken along with 4 Chicken Strips and a serving of Pop Corn Chicken for only a dollar more that I had planed - plus it came with 4 biscuits, 'tato wedges, and yes - green beans.
I'm not sure if he had to ask it, or if it was just the force of habit - but the guy asked me if it was, "For here or to go?" Keep in mind that the restaurant dining room is empty and that unless I was going to be sharing with Moses and Elijah, it would have been quite a bit to scarf down - even for me.
I realize that this isn't nearly as funny as having someone "water" the concrete in front of your car - but I couldn't help laughing a bit at this guy's question. I'm not really sure what he thought of this ... but the guys in the back all heard about it - or maybe I'm being paranoid and he just reminded them that I wanted a large breast in my bucket.
After waiting for the folks behind the counter to fill what I'm sure was about 5 drive through orders, a nice young man offered to take my order. I don't usually notice the ethnicity of my fast food order takers, but it struck me that he was relaying my order - or at least commenting on it - in an asian language to the guy behind the wall o' chicken. Looking around, I saw that all of the employees appeared to be of Asian descent. This seemed a bit odd because I've been to the same store at other times and noticed other "grouped" employees. I wonder if this is a national strategy - or just what works well for scheduling.
But, I've gotten off track ... What I really wanted to blog about was my order. I picked the new "mixed bucket" which features 4 pieces of Extra Crispy chicken along with 4 Chicken Strips and a serving of Pop Corn Chicken for only a dollar more that I had planed - plus it came with 4 biscuits, 'tato wedges, and yes - green beans.
I'm not sure if he had to ask it, or if it was just the force of habit - but the guy asked me if it was, "For here or to go?" Keep in mind that the restaurant dining room is empty and that unless I was going to be sharing with Moses and Elijah, it would have been quite a bit to scarf down - even for me.
I realize that this isn't nearly as funny as having someone "water" the concrete in front of your car - but I couldn't help laughing a bit at this guy's question. I'm not really sure what he thought of this ... but the guys in the back all heard about it - or maybe I'm being paranoid and he just reminded them that I wanted a large breast in my bucket.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
3 Degrees of Separation
I don't get many visitors at my desk. This is because, my little cubicle is in the most inaccessible corner of a separate room (with a door) on a floor below most of the employees. In fact, I can go days without seeing any of my former students or their bosses. These are the folks that actually do the work, so it's the greater portion of our little 2,000 seat facility. That being said, I was a bit startled when someone that I had never met walked up to my desk and asked if I was - name withheld -.
When I replied that I was, he asked me if I was excited about tomorrow. I tried to play it cool and act as if I knew perfectly well what he was talking about; imagining possible corporate initiatives that I might be overlooking, possible sports events, and checking to make sure that it wasn't a major holiday or worst of all - my birthday. Coming up completely blank (and without saying "errrr..") I replied, "what about tomorrow?
Tom said that he meant the movie the is coming out. Now I call him Tom because he has a very Magnum'esque Tom Selleck mustache; I don't know his real name. I had to think for a bit, but I was able to come up with H2G2 quick enough to avoid that awkward silence.
It seems that one of the trainers that I mentored has been ripping off some of my Sci-Fi team builders (i.e. list all the Star Trek captains you can in 120 seconds). To his credit - and possibly to make himself not look like a geek - he's been quoting me as the source for the fun and describing me as some sort of Sci-Fi / Fantasy encyclopedia. Although this is wildly inaccurate, it is apparently sticking with some of the participants since "Tom" is a new employee that heard about my geekness from a relative that was trained by the mentee that is using my stuff in his class.
Kevin Bacon - eat your heart out!
When I replied that I was, he asked me if I was excited about tomorrow. I tried to play it cool and act as if I knew perfectly well what he was talking about; imagining possible corporate initiatives that I might be overlooking, possible sports events, and checking to make sure that it wasn't a major holiday or worst of all - my birthday. Coming up completely blank (and without saying "errrr..") I replied, "what about tomorrow?
Tom said that he meant the movie the is coming out. Now I call him Tom because he has a very Magnum'esque Tom Selleck mustache; I don't know his real name. I had to think for a bit, but I was able to come up with H2G2 quick enough to avoid that awkward silence.
It seems that one of the trainers that I mentored has been ripping off some of my Sci-Fi team builders (i.e. list all the Star Trek captains you can in 120 seconds). To his credit - and possibly to make himself not look like a geek - he's been quoting me as the source for the fun and describing me as some sort of Sci-Fi / Fantasy encyclopedia. Although this is wildly inaccurate, it is apparently sticking with some of the participants since "Tom" is a new employee that heard about my geekness from a relative that was trained by the mentee that is using my stuff in his class.
Kevin Bacon - eat your heart out!
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